Blanket of Stars
I had the privilege of attending a women’s retreat recently. One of the talking points that kept evolving throughout the weekend, was about darkness. The talk ranged from unseen darkness that lurks inside of us to the darkness of night and the fear of not being able to literally see what’s coming. Throughout the weekend, I challenged myself to take a deep look at my own feelings about nighttime and those things that are dark inside of me. Then I further explored how these dark parts have fostered growth in me. Thinking back on this work I did during the retreat brings to mind a quote by Rumi that I’ve come across many times. It goes like this, “You have to keep breaking your heart until it opens.”
Most of us have dark things inside of us that we have been taught not to show. These dark things could be comprised of physical or emotional pain that we don’t want anyone to see so we pretend that all is well even when it’s not. Other possible dark things could be created by dreams we have allowed to die or trauma we have never resolved. When we carry these heavy feelings with us, they begin to take away our power. We become victims of our own thoughts and emotions. In this victim role, we begin to believe that we can’t change it. The invitation I’m offering if you’re at this point is to lean into it and allow yourself to be vulnerable by reaching out to someone that can help. This simple, but not easy, act is a first step towards moving forward from the victim role.
Stepping into the literal or figurative dark may seem overwhelming at first but look up into the sky and see all those stars. Even in that vastness, it’s easy to feel that we are connected to the night just as much as the day. We are stardust, we are part of the world, the universe, nature, each other. We are not alone. We have the answers within us and there are those that will take our outstretched hand and offer us support in finding them. Long ago as a kid, I would slip out of my house unnoticed at night and walk to the horse pasture. There, longing for connection, I would reach out to my horse friends by climbing onto their backs as they grazed. Up there on those strong backs, I would lay face up looking at that lovely blanket of black marked with stars and I knew deep down I would be alright even though my heart was broken. My heart has broken many more times since then, but it has opened just as Rumi’s quote suggests. Yours can too. I believe that with all my heart.
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