Plunging into the Waves

When it’s time, it’s time.  I don’t know that I was ready but there I was in Maui gazing at the ocean.  The immensity of it.  All the unknown secrets in its depth.  A shiver ran down my spine as I recalled some long-ago horror of being caught in a riptide in California trying to hold my youngest daughter’s head above the water as my feet kept being pulled out from under me. 

My family and I had decided to go swimming in the ocean on our recent vacation.  Standing there on the beach, my fear felt too close to my heart.  Blood pumping through my body pounded a distorted beat in my ears.  Breath caught in my chest.  I was certain I could not do this but kept my fear to myself.

Then, from what seemed out of nowhere, I suddenly plunged into the rolling waves.  There was no thought, my body just went.  The coolness took my breath for a moment, and I began to fight the waves to stay upright.  A voice in my head reminded me to let go and float.  Don’t fight.  I let my body rise to the top of the water’s surface and allowed it to hold me.  Carry me as I looked up at the cloud ridden sky.  Panic in my brain.

I allowed the sea to gently hold me for quite some time.  My tense body began to relax, breath stretching out and without any fanfare, I became part of it all.  I realized that I needed to let go of past fear.  Not just of the ocean but other crippling fears as well. 

As each wave surged, ebbed, and flowed, I gave up control and simply became open to what might unfold.  I had no idea what I was doing but rather than perform an analysis, I stayed curious and found great joy in just being.  This experience was about having courage despite fear.  The bigger lesson was one of letting go.

Saying hello to something new means saying goodbye to something that has been holding you back.  The emotions of this process can feel both exciting and painful as well as joyful and uncertain.  It’s important to honor where you were even as you embrace a new beginning.  The lessons you learn from the past have helped you grow into your new way of being.

Growth can be painful and sometimes you need help.  It’s okay to admit when you don’t know what you are doing.  After all, new beginnings require a beginner’s mind.  When you are new to something, there will be a learning curve as well as back slides.  Finding humor in the process keeps it from being so serious that you get stressed out and fall all the way back into your fear.

I must admit that I have no idea where my newfound freedom is going to take me.  There is no plan in place but when I start to question what’s next and feel that tension, I go back to the sensation of floating in the ocean.  I am trusting that the path is there, and I am going to find it.  There may be many detours, spirals back and forth, obstacles yet to be discovered, but I’m all in.  I am here for it.  All of it.  Ready or not!

“There comes a time in your life when you know that the life you have been living is over and you don’t have a clue who you are becoming.”  ~Marion Woodman~

Darcie Litwicki owns Silver Heart Ranch in Vail, Arizona where she lives with her husband, horses, and pets.  She uses her intuitive gifts in her work through Equine Assisted Coaching, Horse Wisdom Sessions, Reiki Services, and Animal Communication.  Darcie is honored to hold a sacred space of possibility for women to grow and discover their own new beginnings.

A selfie taken at a beach in Maui.